Going through our archives, we came across this great post by Dr. AnnMaria De Mars from March 26, 2016 “You’re Blaming the Wrong Person” that we wanted to share in case you missed it the first time around.
I was making beef stew with my granddaughter the other day – now I will pause for a moment to let the unexpectedness of that statement sink in – and it occurred to me that I used to cook every day and now I almost never do.
For a minute, I started to blame my husband – he criticized my cooking, so I said,
“Fine! You do it!”
and it got to the point that my children would tell you,
All my mom ever made for dinner was reservations.
That’s been true for the past 16 years or so, and kind of ironic since one of the first jobs I had was teaching cooking classes – at the time, it was my only real skill besides judo.
When I thought about it for more than a minute, though, it really wasn’t my husband’s fault that I quit cooking. Shortly after we were married, I started a consulting company and when I weighed the money I could make during the time I would be grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning up against the cost of dinner at a restaurant, it made a lot more sense to make reservations.
Ronda also started judo around that time, and the next thing you know, I was taking her to practice seven days a week. About the same time, three of my four kids decided to be vegetarians.
The truth is, though, it wasn’t my husband’s fault or Ronda’s fault or my vegetarian kids’ fault.
Last week, I actually cooked dinner three times, and I’m making enchiladas for a dozen people this week.
My point is not that you be impressed with my amazing culinary skills – that is optional – but rather that we often blame other people for decisions we made ourselves.
If I had really wanted to continue cooking, I wouldn’t have let a comment here or there about something needing more salt discourage me. Maybe I couldn’t have made dinner every night, but I could have found some time to cook, if I really wanted to.
It’s not all that uncommon to blame someone else when life is not completely to your liking. Here are just a few examples:
– I didn’t go to class because the teacher is boring.
– I didn’t do my homework because the book was confusing.
– I didn’t go to practice because the other members of my team don’t want to train as hard as I do.
You get the idea. The point is, in each of those, and thousands of other possible examples, you’re blaming the wrong person. You made your choice. You had other choices – drink coffee or take notes to stay awake in class, ask a teacher for help, study with a friend, do drills with anyone who will train with you.
Maybe you made the right choice – I don’t regret the time I spent taking my kids to practice or the mall, writing grants or analyzing data instead of perfecting my Christmas cookies. Right or wrong, though, the choice you make is your decision. Own it.
